Many of us have learned at some point in our lives that rest must be earned.
- We can rest once our work is done.
- After we’ve checked everything off the list.
- After we’ve pushed through one more day, one more task, one more obligation.
And even then, rest often comes with a sense of guilt or shame. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. This belief is deeply woven into our culture and for many people it’s also shaped by early experiences, trauma, or long periods of stress. But the truth is, rest isn’t something you have to earn by overworking yourself. It is something your body needs, whether you’ve completed everything or not.
Where the belief comes from
We live in a world that values productivity, output, and achievement. Many researchers and writers have pointed out that modern work culture often links our value as people to how much we produce.
For some people, especially those who have experienced trauma or chronic stress, this goes even deeper. Trauma researchers like Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, explain that when the nervous system has learned to stay on high alert, slowing down can feel unsafe. Staying busy can become a way to cope, stay in control, or to avoid difficult emotions.
If rest feels uncomfortable, anxiety-provoking, or unfamiliar, it’s not a personal failure. It’s often a learned response.
The cost of treating rest as something we earn
When rest is delayed or denied, our bodies and minds eventually respond.
Christina Maslach, known for decades of research on burnout, has shown that chronic stress can lead to emotional exhaustion, detachment, and a reduced sense of accomplishment. Burnout isn’t just about being tired, it’s about being depleted over time.
Many people reach burnout not because they didn’t manage their time well, but because they were taught to override their own limits. The longer rest is postponed, the more likely it is to arrive in the form of illness, shutdown, or complete exhaustion. This is what some people describe as being “forced” to rest.
What’s happening in the body
From a nervous system perspective, rest isn’t optional. It’s how the body recovers from stress.
According to Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, our nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of safety or danger. When stress is ongoing, the body stays in a state of activation meant for short-term survival. Without regular opportunities to rest and feel safe, the body doesn’t fully return to a state where healing, digestion, sleep and emotional processing can happen.
This is also discussed in Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. They explain that stress needs to be completed, not just managed. They believe that rest is one of the primary ways we can complete the stress cycle.
This helps us explain why rest can feel uncomfortable at first. Slowing down may bring awareness to fatigue, emotions, or sensations that have been pushed aside for a long time. That discomfort doesn’t mean rest is harmful. It means the body is finally being given space to respond.
Rethinking what rest is for
What is rest didn’t require justification?
Many of us were taught to think of rest as something we earn after work is done, or after we have been productive enough, or after we’ve reached a certain level of exhaustion. But Rest doesn’t work very well that way.
Rest helps us before we hit burnout. It helps us stay connected to ourselves. It supports us in showing up more steadily, nor perfectly.
Rest is a form of maintaining energy, health, and productivity. It is not a form of indulgence, or luxury. Rest should be seen as prevention of burnout and exhaustion, not a form of being weak or lazy. Lastly, care should be viewed as a form of self-care and not a reward for running yourself into the ground.
You do not need to be exhausted enough, burnt out enough, or overwhelmed enough to deserve rest.
Practicing rest in gentle ways
Rest doesn’t have to be dramatic or perfectly restorative. For many people, especially those recovering from burnout or trauma, small consistent moments of rest are more supportive.
This can look like:
- Sitting quietly for a few minutes without multitasking
- Lying down and letting your body feel supported
- Taking slow breaths and noticing physical sensations
- Allowing yourself to stop before reaching complete exhaustion
Rest doesn’t have to feel productive. It doesn’t have to feel enjoyable. Sometimes rest is just neutral or might even be a little uncomfortable. But no matter how it feels in the moment, it still helps the body reset.
When slowing down feels hard
If rest brings up anxiety, guilt, or shame, that’s important information, that is not something to push through. For many people, rest is tied to old beliefs about worth, safety, or being “lazy”.
Therapy can offer a space to explore this gently. Rather than forcing rest, it can help uncover what your nervous system learned and how to introduce slowing down in ways that feel safer and more supportive over time.
A gentle reminder
You don’t need to reach a breaking point to take yourself seriously. You don’t need to earn rest by being exhausted. You’re allowed to pause, even on ordinary days.
If you are tired, that matters, and it is ok to listen to that feeling.
Reach out for help
You don’t have to navigate burnout alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, the team at the Collective Healing Centre in Edmonton is here to hold space for you. Whether you need the clinical support of a psychologist or the nervous-system-calming practice of our specialized yoga programs, we can help you find your way back to balance.
Click here to connect with our team
References
Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.
Porges, S. W. (2022). Polyvagal theory: A science of safety. Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience, 16, Article 871227. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnint.2022.871227
Van Der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
